I Dreamt I Was Home, by Tyler Smith

THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES (1946)
Directed by: William Wyler
Written by: Robert E. Sherwood
Starring: Fredric March, Myrna Loy, Dana Andrews, Virginia Mayo

When my father died almost five years ago(!), the primary emotion that I felt was isolation. I knew no one else my age who had endured a significant loss like that. I constantly felt outside of my group of friends, all of a sudden. What’s worse, I always felt that, because they didn’t understand my grief, they judged it; as if, one day, I would be saying something about my dad, and one of my friends would say, “Okay, we get it! Your dad’s dead! Enough already!” It was a very frustrating place to be.

Shortly thereafter, my friend’s dad died unexpectedly. As he dealt with the grief, his thoughts and feelings echoed my own. He had many of the same questions that I had, almost verbatim. As time has gone on since then, both he and I agree that our mutual experience drew us closer together and made our friendship much stronger, even though we very seldom discussed it.

It has proven to be an interesting by-product of grief; one that I wasn’t prepared for. It is this concept of people being drawn together through shared tragedy that makes me appreciate William Wyler’s The Best Years of Our Lives. One of the first American films to explore the idea that maybe things weren’t so great after World War II. Sure, the Depression was over and the forces of evil defeated, but some things don’t just go away once they’re over.

Three vets, strangers, are on board a transport home. As they return, they find, first and foremost, a loving throng of supporters and loved ones. This is as it should be. However, they soon discover that these loved ones want nothing more than for things to go back to normal, as if nothing had happened. They want to cover their ears and pretend that everything’s perfectly fine.

But these men can’t do that. They’ve seen things and want to acknowledge them. But, they can’t; at least, not with civilians. So, sure enough, they seek each other out. With each other, they can truly be themselves; they don’t have to act as though the past few years never happened.

Not so fast, though. This movie is far too intelligent to simply make the civilians the villains of the story. Sure, they don’t understand, but how can they? War is an experience that is so intense and horrible that it can stay with a person the rest of their life. For somebody to act as though they really understand a veteran’s experience would be ridiculous.

Some of the civilian characters (the more sympathetic ones) realize this and act accordingly. They work with the vets to try to help them through their trauma, quietly knowing that said trauma will never truly go away.

It is this part of the story that is quite touching and complex. The film is about the civilians learning to have understanding and patience, while also challenging us to be patient with the civilians. It’s easy for us to judge them, even though we, frequently, are in their positions, trying to help somebody who has been through something we haven’t.

There will always be people who have it better and people who have it worse. And, often, we can never truly empathize with another person’s experience. But, as this film shows us, it is possible to help each other understand, as long as we keep an open mind and a willing attitude.