Sparing No Expense, by Travis Fishburn

As a child who grew up in the early 90’s, Jurassic Park has been one of my favorite films. The movie has its flaws, but every time that I watch it I am always taken back to the mindset of my childhood self. I see the images and hear John Williams’ score, and my imagination instantly reverts to that of an 8-year-old discovering the wonder of a world where dinosaurs exist.

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to finally see a print of Jurassic Park in a theater. Having missed this opportunity when it was originally released in 1993, I was thrilled to finally be seeing a film on the big screen that had such sentimental value to me. Upon this latest viewing of the film, I was struck with the unfortunate realization that the character I empathize the most with at this point in my life is John Hammond, the billionaire and creator of Jurassic Park who is portrayed as playing God with genetics.

As a child, I always perceived him to just be an excited and ambitious old man, not too far removed from my own grandfather. Looking at him today, I see a man trying so futilely to exert control over everything. Seeing how all of his attempts at control slip through his fingers, it makes me wonder how my own attempts at controlling every part of my own life must seem in God’s eyes.

Hammond’s signature line that he repeats throughout the film is that he’s “spared no expense” on everything within the park. The line is used to indicate the luxuries and opportunities the park offers its guests, but he has also spared no expense to ensure that everything within the Park is under his control. He has hired high-ranking engineers to make certain the park operates flawlessly, top-of-the-line veterinarians and animal experts to care for the dinosaurs, and geneticists who have engineered the animals to be incapable of breeding and completely dependent on humans. Yet, despite all of the money, time, and technology that Hammond has invested in the manipulation of every detail of the park, we see that quite nearly all of it backfires.

The character’s fears and frustrations in how things escape his control really made me evaluate my own struggle at planning and controlling my own life. As John Hammond has taken every precaution on Isla Nublar, I, too, am in a constant state of trying to govern what each day will hold in store for me. I often find myself planning out each and every day, managing my time and depending on everything going according to the schedule I’ve come up with in my head. This has lead to nothing but frustration for me and for the people in my life who rely on me to be flexible and accommodating.

I’d very much like to say that I’m open to new things, but in reality, I think I’m open to new things that fit within the plan I have for my life. It was only recently that I was able to take a step back and realize that I have been attempting to close my life up in a box. I’m not sure if this is a conscious decision on my part, or whether I just find myself comforted by the familiar lifestyle I have and I refuse to let outside forces organically turn my life into anything else. I, therefore, try to control and plan out many aspects of my life that fit in with what my vision of the future looks like.

Ultimately, I rediscover every day that I can’t control every situation that I’m in. In fact, the majority of things I depend on in my every day life are completely out of my control. My fiancée, Rachel, and I have been in a long distance relationship for the past 8 months. It has been a very trying experience for us both. One of the aspects of this that I’ve had to deal with is the fact that I can’t be there in an instant if anything were ever to go wrong.

In January, Rachel’s grandmother passed away and I received news via a text message while at work. As soon as I had the opportunity, I called her in the attempt to comfort her and do whatever it was that I could do. It was such a painful thing to hear the person I care for the most in this world to be in such emotional turmoil. I wanted to buy a plane ticket right then and rush off to comfort her. But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t drop work or afford a last-minute plane ticket. I felt so completely and utterly helpless. There have been countless times during this period of our relationship when I’ve felt totally helpless by the fact that I can only be a voice on the phone or a video image on a computer for her.

After the phone call, I thought about the situation and realized that the powerless feeling that I had would have been unaltered had I actually been there with her. I couldn’t really have done anything, the only thing I would have been able do was be there to hold her and tell her that it “was all in God’s hands”. The meaning of the phrase “all in God’s hands” has never really hit me as much as it did then. Before, it was just something to be said as a way to comfort people in difficult situations, but living on the other side of the country has made me realize how many aspects of my life and the lives of those I love are out of my reach and really are all in God’s hands.

There is a scene in the middle of Jurassic Park when Hammond is eating from a table of ice cream that is melting due to power loss. Ellie Sattler, played by Laura Dern, sits across from him. Hammond tells her a story about his first attraction in America, a flea circus.  He reveals that what he’s always wanted was to create things that he could enthrall people with that weren’t illusions, and that is why this park is so meaningful for him. He claims the next time, after fixing the kinks, that he’ll have control over the situation. Ellie, then shouts “you never had control, that’s the illusion!” The line really stuck to me in a way that it never has before, and I’ve been carrying it with me ever since.

I trick myself much too often into thinking that I have control over my life, or that I can plan on my future turning out a certain way if I just plant the right seeds at the right time. This just leads to me also convincing myself into thinking that I know what’s best for me and for other people in my life. I can look back now and see many rude awakenings in my life when God has interjected Himself and me and shown me that my control, too, is also an illusion.

These times, when I’ve felt my life spinning out of my control, have often frustrated me to the point of tears. I’ve struggled with questioning both God’s motives and even his existence. Yet, while the sufferings I’ve endured have often seemed pointless to me at the time, I can look back on many of them now and see how much I learned during them, or see the opportunities that sprang up in those instances that have benefitted me greatly to this day. Some of the most miserable and uncontrollable moments in my life have often been the most defining and self-shaping. Likewise, the happiest and most satisfying things life has given me have come from instances that I didn’t plan on and had no control over.

The truth is that I’m not always qualified in judging what’s going to be best for myself. There have been countless moments when I get mad and frustrated with the world, only to realize that it was my actions that put me in the situation I arrived at. So, if I’m not capable of knowing what’s going to make me the best person in life, or even knowing what is going to bring me the most joy fulfillment out of life, why should I be given the responsibility of having complete control over it?

I am, by no means, saying that my life is completely out of my hands and I should just sit back and let God miraculously carry me where I need to go. God gave me the motivation and the means to do what I can for myself and for others as I make my way through this world. There are going to be many occasions when I might just get too far off the path in my own desire, and then God must find a way to help me correct my path.

In response to Hammond’s ideas of controlling nature, Ian Malcom, played by Jeff Goldblum, replies that “life finds a way”. As life found a way to break free of the reign that Hammond thought he had in Jurassic Park, God finds ways of breaking through the illusionary barriers that I have set up in my own life.
When He does this, it isn’t a “breaking in” through the barriers to attack me, it is a breaking down of those barriers to free me and open my eyes to the limitless better paths that God has set before me. On those rare occasions when I learn to really let go of the control I think I have, and willingly give it up to God, I cannot express how liberating and comforting it truly is. That is not to say that there isn’t a certain element of fear at play, but it seems very insignificant once I am passed it and have moved on to what I know is God’s true path for me.