A Family Matter, by Tyler Smith

SECRETS & LIES (1996)
Written and Directed by: Mike Leigh
Starring: Brenda Blethyn, Timothy Spall, Marianne Jean-Baptiste

However, there were episodes of Seinfeld that I used to find a refreshing break from the unrelenting awkwardness. These were the episodes where the characters would deal with their respective families. Somehow, no matter how difficult these situations would get, it never really bothered me. Because, hey, it’s family. No matter what happens, they’ll still love you, right? They have to; it’s a rule. So, truly, how bad could it be?

Now that I’m a little older, I get it. I understand what those episodes are about. Slowly but surely, different family members will let you in on different secrets; things you never would have suspected. You become very familiar with all the bitterness, the old grudges. You start to recognize the expectations (some reasonable, some ridiculous) that the family members have of each other. You see the desperate attempt to recreate an overly-idealized past, back when we all got along and everything was great, and the eventual disappointment that comes with the realization that that is gone forever, and is never coming back, if it ever even existed in the first place.

Over the last few years, I have had to come face to face with everything in the last paragraph. And that’s just in my family. Added to that, I now have in-laws to deal with. That, in itself, is a challenge, trying to find where I fit in there.

It is my recent recognition of all of this that has given me not only a greater understanding of those Seinfeld episodes, but also a deep appreciation for Mike Leigh’s Secrets & Lies. This is truly a film that understands all the bittersweet melodrama that comes with being a part of a family.

The story is fairly simple. A young black woman’s adopted mother passes away, so she seeks out her biological mother, only to find that her biological mother is white. Needless to say, both the mother and her daughter are surprised to see each other.

It is a testament to this film that the whole mixed race thing is not the primary conflict in the story. The emotions really kick in as the mother’s family reacts to this new addition. Needless to say, they’re not pleased, and they’re not shy about saying so. Even in times of smooth sailing, this is not a healthy family. The slightest rocking of the boat can send these characters into fits of intense screaming and crying.

The core of the film is the mother, played brilliantly by Brenda Blethyn. At first, she seems like a nice, soft-spoken woman, who would never harm anybody. Soon, though, we see that her emotional fragility is a function of her immense self-pity. She is accutely aware of the mistakes she has made, but seems incapable of avoiding them. She is simultaneously likable and pathetic. We both love and hate her.

In other words, she is a fully-realized, completely human character.

But, then, everybody in this film is. Even the supporting characters feel lived-in and real. There are no good guys and bad guys in this film. At some point, each character has helped one another with their emotional scars while also making new ones in the process. We don’t necessarily “root” for anybody in this film.

Instead, we “root” for civility and forgiveness. And, while this film does end on a hopeful note, it is far from a happy ending. While these characters have started on the road to recovery, we still know that some of their scars are too deep and will take a long time to heal; perhaps the rest of their lives. But, as in the case with physical scars, they realize that everything will heal much faster if they just stop picking at it.